I always hated my body.

I (unfortunately) fully believed in the idea that we women had a clock that was constantly ticking to when we got 30. And when we got to our 30′s we were essentially shit. Society definitely got ahold of me on that one and growing up, I didn’t have anyone to tell me otherwise.

 
I remember when my mom got into her 30′s she went through a change from always being glam to “the official church mom attire”. And that always made me wonder why? A question I’ve never asked her because 1. I don’t want to offend 2. I’m not sure if she’d understand what I mean.

When I started to reach my 30′s I noticed I was doing the same thing. I got so tired of constantly getting dressed up even though I genuinely liked it. I realized a while ago that I wasn’t tired of doing getting dressed up and glam, it was because I felt like it took so much effort in comparison to others. My body didn’t look the same in these clothes, my face didn’t look the same in that makeup, and my hair didn’t look the same in that style. I find it interesting and fun to do, but also so exhausting and dissatisfying.

 
I decided that maybe I found it so dissatisfying was because of why I got so glam all of the time. Although I loved it, I mostly got glam to get people’s attention. I wanted people to like what I was wearing and I’d almost droll over myself if they’d ask me what it was or something. It fed into my deep ego, but it didn’t last. I wasn’t doing it to please myself so all of the dissatisfaction just kept growing.

 
So now, I’ve gotten to this really weird place.

 
Where I still hate my body. But I’m finally trying to learn what I need to do to make it healthier and dress it up the way that ultimately pleases me.