I’m not going to lie, when I first realised just how much of my thought process is comprised of these kinds of thoughts, I started panicking. I was labelling myself (as ‘pathetic’/‘stupid’/‘bloody miserable’); overgeneralising (‘ohmygod this is my entire internal monologue summarised in ten boxes’) and generally all-or-nothing-ing/mind-reading/catastrophising (‘I’ll never be happy, everyone will hate me for being so negative and I’ll die sad and alone without even a cat for company’).
The thing is, experiencing negative or unhelpful thoughts at least some of the time is unfortunately pretty much part of being human. Our brains have evolved to be highly conscious of threats (real or perceived) and, as highly social primates, we sometimes can’t help but try and predict what others are thinking about us. But although we don’t like to admit it, these automatic thoughts are often either completely wrong or highly exaggerated. And yet, even if deep down we realise this, they can still send us into a state of stress if we don’t consciously try to counterbalance them.
The trick is to start noticing when your brain is throwing this stuff at you, try to consciously acknowledge it and begin to challenge the thoughts. Do not judge yourself for them - no one actively chooses to think this way, it just happens. We can however try to focus on countering these automatic assumptions with more positive/rational thoughts:
- How can I know what someone else is thinking about me?
However much I would like to be able to, I can’t. - I’m not 'weak’/'pathetic’/'useless’ - I’m only human and sometimes I need to cry/sleep/rely on others’ help.
- Am I really 'a totally idiotic moron’ or did I just make a mistake? Are the consequences of this really as bad as I feel they are?
- Would I verbally abuse someone else the way I attack myself in my head? Almost certainly not.
Actively arguing against these unhelpful thoughts takes a fair bit of practice, but it absolutely can be done and it gets easier each time. Just take a deep breath, be rational and above all be kind with yourself. You can do it.
